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HOPE BROWN UPDATES
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November 27
All -
A Blessed Thanksgiving to you all. We are spending some time with
friends today here in Little Rock and I trust each of you is enjoying
your time with family and friends.
This week has been very hard.
Three weeks ago Ani had come to Northwest Arkansas and asked me to pray
and seek out next steps. We wanted to much to move Hope back to NWA and
pull our family close together again. The challenges we were facing
caused us all to ask a lot of questions. Ani and I began to see that
every hero of the faith in the Bible had a moment where they had to
confront the hard questions and the hard times, and even confront death
with total trust in the Maker of Heaven and Earth that He was able to
sustain and bring us through. I told Ani, do you think that God is
asking us to put on our Spiritual Armor, take up the shield of faith and
the sword of His word and trust Him implicitly and completely with
Hope? These are hard questions with no easy answers.
From the beginning we gave Hope to Jesus and committed that we would
fight. Ani and I told the doctors in PICU that we would not give up as
long as she is fighting. During that time when she had just coded, was
on the vent, and with three sedative drips...Ani and I called her name
and Hope turned her eyes and looked as us. I knew we would fight with
her and for her.
Arriving to Children's Friday night, you know the story, Hope was with
high fever. She was not responding but had had a lot of Adivan. We
stayed with her around the clock praying for her and caring for her.
Sunday morning early on they had to stop feeds for a while as her
stomach and intestines were not processing the food. Later we were able
to start feeds again. But the temperature was our main enemy. Hope's
auxiliary temperature was more easily controlled but her core
temperature was very high...at one point reaching 107. We were able
with a cooling blanket to get her temperature down, but we just could
not get response from her. At one point she moved her head and we
thought she was recouping but that was it. Ani and I later on Monday
night had a long talk and prayed extensively but realized the time had
come to decide.
Ani and I talked with Pastor Casey Henegan, who had a similar experience
meant he could understand where we were at and give us words of wisdom.
We realized that it was time to go before the Father in the name of
Jesus. As one father to another, I give her to you as I can do nothing
else. I have done everything humanly and sometime beyond possible with
help of so many but you are the only one who can save Hope.
Tuesday came after many meetings with doctors, the chaplain and the Pal
Care director we decided to place Hope in the hands of the Lord. Kerry
the Hospital photographer came and took some beautiful pictures of Hope
(see the attached). The decision was made to extibate Hope and allow
God to take her and know that if He gave her back to us we would
continue to care for her.
That evening we had a time with family, friends, nurses and doctors all
stopping buy to love on Hope and talk with us. Then we had a beautiful
time of reading of the scripture, prayer and worship. The presence of
God was so strong in the room words do not describe it. Ani poured her
heart out and thanked God for allowing her to learn to love. She shared
how God had given her a glimpse into His love for us. Ani described the
episodes that would come and go where she would have to hold and love on
Hope. How she poured her love upon her in abundant fashion and for a
moment Hope would look up at her and calm down. It was these precious
moments Ani realized that Hope recognized, recieved and reciprocated
Ani's love. They were painful yet precious moments. Then Ani shared
with us how God loves us the same way. His love is so great and He
pours it out abundantly upon us all day-in and day-out whether we
recognize it or not. It pains Him when we do not acknowledge it but it
gives Him the greatest pleasure when we do!
Everyone left the room except for Pastor Molina (our spiritual covering)
and the Pastor John Powers (the chaplain who has walked with us daily
through this period), Pastor Tony Jones (of Trinity Assembly of God)
came by but had to leave due to a family emergency where his
mother-in-law was extremely ill (Please keep him and his wife Kathy in
your prayers). We prayed over Hope. They gave her some Adivan and
methadone to ensure she was comfortable... then removed the vent. I was
sitting in the chair holding her, singing and loving her while Ani
kissed on her. She breathed without problem for about 4 minutes. Then
I saw her lip turn color and my heart couldn't take it anymore. I
poured out my heart to the Father in prayer as I did not want Hope to
suffer. Yet it felt like part of my heart was being ripped out. I gave
her to Ani but while I was crying I heard Ani yell..."Look Michael! She
is smiling". I jumped up! Hope's complexion and color turned the most
beautiful shade of pink, she had opened her eyes wide and gave the
biggest smile you can imagine. Her face was shinning! Her heart
stopped but I knew two things: God answered our prayer as she did not
suffer any of the horrendous things that they told us would normally
happen and Jesus Himself came for Hope! He gave us a glimpse of her
healed and then calmly took her home.
We spent time with Hope until finally leaving at 3:30am
We have been working through details. Roller Chenal Funeral Home is
helping us with a service her in Little Rock at Trinity Assembly of God
which will be held this Sunday at 4pm (visitation from 3 to 4). We will
bring Hope back to Northwest Arkansas for a service to be held at
Christian Life Cathedral on this coming Tuesday 12pm visitation, then a
small service at 1pm (hours still to be confirmed). I will send out
specifics tomorrow as we wrap up details.
Attached are included a couple of pictures of Hope with the family.
Thank you for your love, encouragement, caring, service, support,
emails, messages and hugs. You all have become part of our family. You
have walked with us. Shared our highs and walked with us through our
lows. We have cried together, laughed together and seen God's goodness
and glory shed abroad in miraculous ways.
A week ago God spoke to our hearts four phrases. We did not understand
it completely then but I share it with you now: Time is short. Jesus
is coming for Hope. His Glory will be seen. The devil is shaking in
his boots. This week we know that Jesus did indeed come for Hope. He
is coming also for those who Hope and trust in Him. We wait with great
expectation for the day when His glory is revealed to the world and we
can live in unity and love toward one another in His presence.
In His hands,
Michael, Ani, Joy, Faith and Hope
Psalms 27
Psalms 34
Ecclesiates 3:10-11
Psalms 139
Isaiah 57
Romans 15:13
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All -
Hope has had a rough time and we are seeking wisdom at this
time.
Wednesday a week ago, some of you know that Hope had an
episode where she began to tighten up her body and hold her
breathe to the point of passing out. Reminiscent of when
she had the urinary tract infection in NICU back in
February. The concerning part was her heart we skipping a
bit. April the resident said it was like her heart was
stopping then starting again. I left work and rushed down
to be with Ani. The staff thought that Hope would not make
it through the day. I did not know what to expect when I
arrived. We did talk with Dr. Bauer and get some anti-biotics
started to help with any potential infections. Thursday
Hope had some more difficulty but not to the same level as
Wednesday, prompting Dr. Bauer to comment, "I don't know how
she is still living?"
I returned to work on Friday. The Weekend, Hope's color was
better and she seemed to be returning to baseline. This
last week started well and even when Ani came to Northwest
Arkansas to celebrate Joy's 10th birthday, Hope did well
with nothing out of the ordinary for the nurses to deal
with, but Thursday night about 10pm Children's called and
said she was agitated and they were giving her Adivan to
calm her cause they had tried everything else. Adivan
usually sedates Hope for hours so we continued with our plan
to return to Little Rock after work on Friday. However we
were woken up with calls at 1am, 3am and 5am...it seems that
Hope was just having a bad night. Her heart rate was
elevated, her skin was modeling and she was agitated. They
gave her adivan multiple times but it was not solving the
problem although it was keeping her stable.
On our way down to Little Rock at 4pm, Hope's heart had been
in the 160-180 and she was having an elevated fever. April
told us that she felt Hope's cardiovascular system was
shutting down. She said Hope's hands and feet were cold but
that she was shivering from the fever. We talked through
the use or non-use of different items as we drove.
Arriving at Children's we found Hope with her heart in the
170's and her body non responsive. Although her 7 day dose
of Amoxicilan had terminated we asked the doctors to start
anti-biotics again as it was clear she was still fighting an
infection of some sort. We have been up with her through
the night for the last couple of days. This Sunday morning
we moved to a private room as she has not improved. They
had to stop her food this morning a couple of times as her
stomach was accumulating food and not processing it. The
doctors think this is due to her body shunting blood to key
organs and consequently other parts of the body suffer.
Many questions go through the mind at this time. Ani and I
talked with the doctors their view and we are praying about
what to do next. We agree we do not want her to suffer. At
this time she does not seem to be in pain. We agree that if
the body begins to shut down there is nothing we can do to
stop it, except to pray for a miracle which we need anyway.
The girls are with us and we have been talking through this
as a family with alot of emotion. We are deeply concerned
about the lack of responsiveness, the high heart rate which
continues at a constant 160 and her core body temperature
which is fluctuating between 102 and 105 degrees. The
doctors cannot find anything and they have used the words
Sepsis to describe the infection Hope is fighting. This is
a general term used when doctors don't know what is causing
the condition.
The Hospital Staff have been so good to us during this
time. They have been kind and understanding. Several
nurses have purposefully chosen to care for Hope as they
know her and care for her.
Several local Pastors came to visit today starting with
Pastor Edwards and Pastor Noble, then the Hospital Pastoral
ministers Sid and John, and Pastor Tony Jones.
Please pray with us as you so faithfully have been doing.
Each of us have been created for a purpose. None of us know
the days alotted to us, only our Heavenly Father. I don't
begin to understand or attempt to explain why this is
happening. I know that we started this journey not knowing
what each day would hold. We put ourselves and Hope
squarely in the hands of the Almighty and started walking
forward. As I seek to understand our walk, I find that all
the characters in the Bible had a moment where they had to
confront death or the threat of death and trust implicitly
in God not knowing what would happen. Ani and I feel like
we are in that place. We have walked with Hope through
thick and thin and we will walk through this challenge as
well her holding our hand and us holding our Father's hand.
You all and so many of you we do not know have walked with
us lifting us up in prayer. I desire, as we all do, and I
pray, like we all do, for healing. I am asking the Lord to
know what the right action is at this moment, in this day.
Like a kid walking with his father down the street; to run
ahead thinking we know where our father wants to go is just
as bad as lagging behind and not following our father. What
we strive to do is to walk with our father as he knows where
he is taking us.
In His hands,
Michael, Ani, Joy, Faith and Hope
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November 21
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All -
Hope is approaching 10 months old
this coming week. The last few
weeks have been difficult on various
fronts and challenging. We almost
lost Hope a week ago on the 12th of
November. She was in extreme pain,
though we don't know what from. She
began to stiffen up her body and
then hold her breath till she passed
out. Her heart was skipping beats
and this would repeat itself. I
left work around 2pm and headed to
Little Rock. I spoke with some of
you on the way via phone as we
prayed for her, Ani and the
situation. When I arrived Hope was
knocked out with Adivan but was not
doing well, but at least the passing
out had subsided. The concern was
what would happen when she came off
the drugs. Dr. Bauer, Ani, myself
and Dr. Chavez got some antibiotics
going to cover any possibility of a
Urinary tract infection (like NICU).
Thursday, she had two episodes of
extreme irritation but was not
having the issues associated with
pain related to her heart. She
improved over the weekend. The
slight fever she had went away and
Ani had a good start to this week.
Joy was turning 10 this week and so
Ani came up on Wednesday and our
family at Trinity Assembly of God in
Little Rock coordinated for us
visitation so Hope could be held and
loved on with the goal of returning
to Little Rock today.
Please pray for us, as of 10pm last
night Hope began to get very
irritated and consequently not
breathing her best on the vent.
They 'bagged' her with synchronized
bagging (which is manually
coordinating the breathes as she
breathes as opposed to the vent
which is mechanical and one rhythm.
Nonetheless, we have survived the
night but her heart rate is
elevated, she is modeled and running
a temp (most likely from the
elevated heart rate). Ani and I
ascertained that they ended the
Antibiotic on Wednesday evening but
since she was fine till last night,
its thought that we need to continue
to the antibiotic. which they have
started up again.
We are on our way down but request
your prayers for Hope's healing,
wisdom for us and for the staff. We
want Hope's best and our Heavenly
Father's best for Hope as well.
In His hands,
Michael, Ani, Joy, Faith and Hope
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October 10
Phew! its been a busy
two weeks. During this time we have seen God's
provision and protection in so many ways. Hope
has come through some challenges. We almost
lost her when her carbon levels went sky high,
but thanks to your prayers and a vent setting
adjustment she pulled through. We came through
several tough meetings with doctors. As a
family we came through a bout with Strep throat,
Ani was protected from the wreck on Highway 540
southbound at the Tunnel, the Holy Spirit
ministered to us and gave us strength and
direction while celebrating Rosh Hashanah and
Yom Kippur with our family at the House of
David. Come through challenges and obtained
some victories.
The meeting with the Doctors a week ago went
well and we clarified care and closed a lot of
gaps which existed due to the vagueness in the
written orders.
Doctors and nurses last Sunday night got to see
first hand how Hope responds to holding and
caring. Hope had dropped in her oxygen
saturations and was red, modeled and crying.
The nurses were thinking it was secretions in
the trach but did not get much out. Ani and I
walked in and joined the scene. Dr. Morris
walked in and brought a calming effect as he
guided the nurses. Yet, Hope still continued.
Ani turns to me and tells me that Hope is
crying. I then picked Hope up to carry her and
within a minute her breathing returned to
normal, the redness went away, the goosebumps
subsided, and the crying stopped. Dr. Morris
and the nurses saw it all and were amazed. He
jokingly said to everyone that we need to go
back to basics and just hold her. I learned
that the reason the nurse did not consider
holding her was that she thought it would make
things worse as this is what normally happens
with babies who are in this condition.
Doctors during this week have been attempting
each day to transition Hope to the home
ventilator. She is doing ok, but just not
liking it much. So they will keep trying. We
are trusting in the Lord, He will bring her home
soon.
So much has happened that I put it into a
Word document.. God is so good that I had
to share what He is doing and His word that we
are learning in the process. I know you will be
blessed by reading it. All our lives are like a
canvas that God chooses to paint on. Each
painting is unique and beautiful. Each painting
tells a story. You remember those works of art
that the more you look at them the more you
see! Take time to look at the art the Father is
working in you. Don't hide it let it show.
Even sketches and blueprints are intricate and
beautiful and serve so many. Never despise what
the Creator is doing in your life. Be like a
child and keep it simple. Have you noticed how
kids enjoy the beauty for beauty sake. Its not
because its the most valuable or most
unique...its because they just enjoy it. Thank
your Heavenly Father today for all things and in
all things. It will change your life.
In His hands,
Michael, Ani, Joy, Faith and Hope P.S. Below
is a drawing I drew back in 1995. Hope you
enjoy it.
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